What do you do when your parent is refusing help?
My Dad is 88 & came to live with us after suffering a stroke. The stroke was caused by a fall in his home. He was frail, thin & in a wheelchair when he came to live with us. He is now walking with a cane, has gained 4 pounds & is much stronger & in better health. Dad has Alzheimer's & dementia, but reads the paper every day & loves to socialize. We take him everywhere with us, Farmer's Market, out to eat, garage sales, etc. Dad has thrived living with us. Dad has toured 6 assisted living homes & does not like any of them. He can afford private pay but does not want to spend the money. Dad has the option of staying with us (he has his own bedroom & bath), living in a home near my sister or assisted living. He is adamant he wants to move back to his home which is 50 miles away. It's a small town with limited resources. I want to hire in home care to prepare meals, run errands, take him to the dr, give him his meds, bathe him & do housework. He is refusing this too. My own health is declining & we will not be able to visit him but 2-4 x a month. I have POA, but my sister is involved. Short of restraining him & listening to his verbal abuse, what else can we do? I've arranged for his home to be cleaned & some steps repaired prior to his moving back home.
You can try enlisting the help of his doctor (if he has a good relationship with him or her). Bottom line though, you and your sister have to agree on your position and stand your ground. Protect your health and your marriage first. His dementia will only get worse. If he is already making bad decisions which could affect his safety or the safety of others (I'm assuming he isn't driving), you have to take over the decision-making. This isn't easy, but it is necessary. Your Dad is fortunate to have the resources to have so many great options and two daughters willing to help him. Many elderly do not.
Bottom Line: You must insist that help be secured--for his safety and your well-being!